Be a Goldfish

It’s been a bit over 10 years since I first became an engineering manager—minus a couple non-manager roles in the startup world as a lead engineer. That realization and my normal end of year productivity reboot has had me thinking a lot about how I operate outside of the core mechanics of how I do things—namely how I have changed and how things operate in my head. The thing is, I’ve always been really good at dropping work out of my head at the end of the day. Usually only getting stuck on work topics if things are really bad or I’m really perplexed or really upset about something. Something not dropping easily at the end of the day is kind of an indicator for me that I need to change or address it. I’ve been wanting to write about this for awhile but watching Cinema Therapy’s episode on one of my favorite television shows—Ted Lasso—brought the idea back.

You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. It has a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.

— Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis)

January 2025 was a rough month for me—a continuation of an already difficult December where I had my first experience with COVID. Not only were there a lot of really sad and difficult things going on at home but it was a rough time coming back to work. All the excitement for 2025 was suddenly real and … woah we aren’t ready. Large projects need planned, teams need roadmaps, everyone is excited but also frustrated and wanting answers. There were days after long stretches of meetings where I just wanted to curl up and cry. But hey… “Be a goldfish.”. I had to really lean into this. When things are hard it’s super easy to worry on things that you don’t normally worry about.

I’ve worked with a lot of really opinionated engineers who focused so much on their idea that they were often blinded by other ideas. I can remember ending days furious at them. Like “I’ve been doing this too for years, can you at least look at my point of view?”. “Be a goldfish”. I didn’t let it get too deep beyond that first day. Some of those engineers are now good friends.

I recently read the book “Rise” by Patty Azzarello and it was right there too, but worded differently. It tells us “Don’t stay angry” and “Keep moving forward”—isn’t that what a goldfish does? These are obviously more related to how you react to encounters and experiences, but I don’t see why thinking about it like a goldfish is all that different. Someone is abnormally short with you? Maybe they too had a bad day. Be a goldfish.

As engineering managers, we are often faced with scenarios where we think we might have the right answers but almost every time it’s better to work with the team to get there. That can be hard to accept. Sometimes you might think your idea was better and resent the different path. Be a goldfish.

As leaders, we have to make hard decisions and say no to good ideas—often risking uncomfortable conflict or just the knowledge that the team disagrees with a decision. Be a goldfish.

It’s not perfectly applicable to all scenarios—some things do need to be seriously addressed. However, for me I’ve found that most day-to-day challenges, conflicts, disagreements, imposter syndrome feelings, and more have always been good to feel in the moment and evaluate if I need to learn from it or not, but then move forward and be a goldfish.

Barbecue sauce.